fear is funny because it takes up many shapes and forms. it can be small, subtle, working beneath the surface. fear can be big. it can take up your whole being. fear can rule your life.
it can wear disguises; it can look like anger, it can look like laziness, it can look like trying to take control. it’s primal, one of the first few emotions we ever experience. but, why do we feel afraid? usually, it is in response to some threat, danger or harm.
but sometimes we can be afraid without an object of fear, physically in front of us. sometimes fear can simply be manifested internally, without cause or reason. this is what we call anxiety. i think of anxiety as the sister of fear. she is an even stronger, potent manifestation. similar to fear, she can roam out of control almost instantly. the thoughts she brings, irrational, borderline ridiculous (no judgement, but in a literal sense). this is what happens when these feelings take the lead, especially if we spend our time suppressing them and pretending they aren’t real. this is the protective mechanism of the ego.
we all have this endless stream of consciousness within our heads. human beings exist with this constant chatter of the mind. anxiety induces and magnifies this chatter, without any rhyme or reason, because behind this is a feeling of a profound lack of safety. this lack of safety has a root cause, likely found somewhere in childhood. this feeling can chase us for our whole lives, especially if we never choose to face it. we speak of anxiety as an emotion, but (especially chronic anxiety) actually shows up a protective response, towards these initial, early feelings where you felt unsafe.
fear and anxiety can be debilitating, and it operates that way for a reason. we must dismantle the idea of anxiety as just feelings, and look at it instead as a constant process of the psyche, with the purpose to protect. anxiety comes in as these endless, out of control thoughts because by thinking of every possibility in some small way it gains a sense of control. the hard truth that anxiety can not accept is that no matter how much we think, all the possibilities we consider we will never actually be in control. this is why when we spiral with overthinking, we often end up more anxious than when we began. this is because the deeply rooted fear is so powerful, so strong, the subconscious mind needs to try to do something. and so, anxiety is born.
most of us live our lives with anxiety, or with fear, as we are never taught how to really deal with it. how to face it. rather we are constantly told, emotions are “not a priority”. your feelings are “too much”, or “not real”. but, emotions actually rule our whole lives. the imprints these feelings from early life, or traumatic experiences, leave on us, stamp into our psyche and dictate how we operate. the subconscious mind is the puppet master behind every decision we make. these originating feelings establish patterns within us, habitual forms of behaviour, which allow us to feel a sense of control and safety- even if the pattern itself is harmful. we can only release these patters, when we can understand them.
the truth is, anxiety, or fear, is something to befriend. to look towards, to understand. because in this feeling, that you refuse to face. you will find endless solace. accepting fear, understanding her, and giving her a seat at your table; to the ego, it is the scariest thing to do. to the part of you which is not supposed to be afraid, not supposed to feel “weak”, and can only be strong. this feels like it will kill you. but i promise you it wont. through facing our fears, without judgement, with a sense of surrender and acceptance, you will alleviate yourself of some of its burden. and i can guarantee you will discover much about yourself which you did not know before.
and what is life besides an endless dance of self-discovery? what is the aim of living, succeeding, progressing, if you cannot accept yourself on a deep fundamental level. it’s like walking in the forest in the dark, with no flashlight. you will always feel like you are simply just wandering. i am not saying that this is a one shot solution, there will inevitably be parts of your life where you will HAVE to wander, but if you care to see, there can also be perfect moments of clarity where everything makes sense. and in my experience, those moments come right after i have faced deep suffering. after i have confronted, accepted, and took myself to the depths of that suffering or that fear.
first, the fear is so deep you don’t even want to look in that direction, you are just absolutely revolted by the situation at large. then, with a bit of time, support, love, you can start to face that way. slowly, taking steps, getting closer, each time with a bit more love. maybe taking few steps in, few steps out. or maybe diving right in, like jumping into ice cold water. it does not feel good always in that moment. but as you inch closer and closer, you can look the fear in the eye. you can have a seat with it. you can invite it for a cup of tea. you can maybe give it a hug. maybe just sit with it for a little while. and soon after, you’ll realise the fear wont be fear anymore. maybe it will turn into pain, or sadness, and eventually maybe it will turn into acceptance. and be released.
and if you find it hard to step towards fear, remember love. let her lead the way. let love hold your hand and watch fear dissipate.
heres a poem
Beautifully written reem!